Manitoba Gov't Announces New Program

For those of you who are hard up for fuel, I'd suggest considering Manitoba's new "Children for Charcoal" program. Yes, it means one of your kids will grow up as a lumberjack's apprentice, but think of it this way: not only do you get the fuel you need, your family's fuel needs will also decrease once you've been lightened by a member. (I, for one, have been running my iBrain off our stimulus payment for three months. And Timmy is probably doing much better with a life of hard labor in the north than he was spending all day on the beaches of Arizona.)

I guess in some ways it's just as well that people were slow to take advantage of the "Houses for Huts" bill back in 2034. Yes, they wasted a lot of energy. Yes, we've developed more efficient technologies and could run a city for a year of what they used to lose over the power lines every month on the way to the average oversized house.

But then again, if they'd had the foresight to cut back, I'd be stuck with Timmy.